I'd give a right head-kicking to . . .

. . . National Savings for not telling us loud and clear on their damned website that signing on to Premium Bonds on line and paying that minute by Switch card actually slows things down so utterly stupidly.

Why?

Because you then have to wait for them, the boring arseholes, to send you a form to sign and then you have to send it back to them, and only then do your bonds get into the running.

So I might as well have gone to the Post Office, signed and posted all on that first day when I cashed in my Northern Rock account and decided to invest it in our stupid government.

The outcome of all this is that I lost more or less a week while all this post went backwards and forewards. It takes a month for Premium Bonds to get into the action in the first place.

BorING. Typical government ineptitude.

And now how do I know that someone in the Post Office isn't just going to dump the mail bag with that signature in it, like everything else that goes missing?

I would do something to shut the faces of . . .

. . . inverted snobs. They are so, so, so boring and have no logic whatsoever. My ancient mother is an inverted snob. She can't see for a minute that aristocrats couldn't help their birth any more than her hero, Paul Robeson, could help his skin colour. I had a posh friend with a lovely posh voice that she took against at once.

Many inverted snobs have a knee-jerk attitude to royalty, too. I got a few horrible comments on the Queen picture earlier that I didn't even bother to publish. I have a highly intellectual buddhist friend who just says, "Well Harry is James Hewitt's son isn't he?" How would she like to be Harry reading that about himself year after year from all the morons on the internet? Someone needs to slander and libel her like that for her to imagine what it might feel like. Here is Harry, looking just like his father who he's evidently very fond of:



And here is Harry, poor motherless boy, looking just like his beloved mother who died when he was a few days off his thirteenth birthday:

Leave blimming Harry alone. He has enough to contend with. I am possibly an arch republican, but here I am defending the English royal family just because I hate all the ignorant nastiness that's around.